Why People With Social Anxiety Disorder Cancel Plans


Our friends and family always get annoyed with us because we often tend to cancel plans and turn down invitations to go to family gatherings or  social events or we just don’t show up. Now for the average person that might seem like you’re being a bit of an asshole or that you just don’t care but they don’t actually understand why the person is doing that. 

I can assure you that it’s not because they don’t want to go and it’s not because they don’t want to spend time with you. It’s also not because they’re just  being an asshole or that they are being lazy. 

When I was younger I could control my social anxiety because I was very much an outside person. I grew up in Durban, South Africa and it was very warm most of the year round so I was always outside and of course, you know, being in the sun all the time and getting vitamin D does wonders for social anxiety. I had friends. I made friends at school. I always had friends growing up. I still had social anxiety and believe me every time I stood in a line at a grocery store I had panic attacks and I used to blush so much that I would get so embarrassed and almost walk out. 

But I didn’t know about this thing called depression so I was very happy. I mean I did experience trauma but I got through it. I used to surf. I used to skateboard. I used to climb trees. I was always at the beach. I was always at the gym. I was hardly ever inside the house unless it was a rainy day or if it was very cold or something like that. When I got to my late teens after leaving school I was going out with my friends all the time. I was going out with my brother and his friends. We would all go out together. I was always out at my friend’s house. I would sleep over there and they would come to mine. We would always have braais (BBQ) outside and spend  the day by the pool. We were always busy. But at this stage in my life and I would say for the last 10 years or so it’s been really difficult for me to get back into that kind of space where I want to go out and I want to be with people and it’s because I have depression and that makes my social anxiety a lot worse than what it is. 

Most people don’t realise that people that have social anxiety disorder really struggle with going out and socializing because they have such a low self-esteem and they are so scared that they are going to be judged. A lot of people with social anxiety struggle to go out into the world and work and it’s very hard for them. They’re so scared to get judged by other people because they don’t have the best job or they don’t have a car or they don’t have nice clothes. Even if they are working just think people are going to judge them for having a the job that they have. They tend to avoid going to family gatherings because it’s difficult for them to concentrate when someone speaking to them and it’s difficult to keep a conversation going. You struggle to focus on other people so you are always focusing on yourself.  So yes they will avoid going to parties and they will avoid going on dates. They will avoid going to family gatherings they will avoid going to office parties. It’s because they feel like they are not good enough. And they feel like other people won’t be accepting of them. They constantly feel judged.


I know that even when I’m around family I always have anxiety around because I sometimes feel like I’ve done nothing with my life and that they judge me for that. I’m 40 years old and my depression is very very bad. I feel like people think that I have not done enough to try and make my my life better. And even if they don’t think that about me I’m still going to think that because that’s what my anxiety is telling me. 

I just wish people would be a bit more understanding as to why people with social anxiety struggle to go to family gatherings or to go out to bars and clubs altogether. You need to be compassionate. You can’t just push them into the deep end and expect them to swim. Believe me when I tell you that the tough love approach does not work. It does not work with depression. It does not work with social anxiety disorder. It does not work with generalized anxiety disorder. It does not work with any other mental health disorder.


Featured Blog Post On Mental Health @ Home

I was lucky enough to be featured as a guest blogger in the emerging blogger series on Mental Health @ Home

Come and read the post HERE

Why I Hate Telling People I’m Not Okay!

I honestly do not like telling people that I am going through a difficult time or that I’m not feeling well whether it’s being caused by my mental health or my physical health. I know that everyone always says that it makes you feel better when you talk about things with someone be it a friend, family member or co-worker. However, their robotic and cliche responses always make me want to pull my hair out, so for me, it is never a good thing to do. I would rather tell them I’m doing fine because it saves me so much anxiety and frustration. In my entire life of living on this green earth, there has been only one person that has been able to say the right things in order to get me to a better mental space and that was my mother (bless her). Unfortunately, she passed away just over five years ago so that can no longer serve me. I feel so detached from the world, society as a whole, myself and just everything in general. It’s almost as if all of that just left when my mom died. I can’t for the life of me get it back no matter how hard I try. I obviously have a lot of self-searching to do and finding myself is going to be a painstakingly difficult thing to do but I know that when I get to that point where I know who I am and where I am going in life I will thank myself for it.

Now, the thing that pisses me off about peoples crappy advice is that it doesn’t come from a place of pure love. Usually, they are just saying it so that you will shut up or go away. I mean, let’s face it, “normal” people hate having to deal with our mental health meltdowns. So, if it doesn’t come from a place of love then where does it come from? I’m assuming it’s a learned response, something they have heard other people say, the usual things that everybody always says because that’s “what works”. ERm, no!!! No, Brenda, just going for a walk isn’t going to fix years of trauma, emotional abuse and PTSD. Brenda FFS, yes other people might have it worse than I do BUT my depression, anxiety disorder and PTSD are still valid and hinder me from doing everyday normal adult things such as having a normal job, getting married, having lunch with friends (Wait, what friends?), starting a family, going shopping, driving a car, going out for drinks. These are such easy things that most people just grow into so excuse me for being upset when I struggle to do them while watching the world around me keep spinning.


Every time someone says THIS ⇈ to me I achieve massive eye rolls. I swear I should be given an award for my talent in eye rolling! Firstly, if it were that easy for me I’m sure I would be doing it, wouldn’t I?

If only people would just not say anything rather than saying what they think you want to hear, am I right? How about giving someone the necessary tools in order to be able to have enough courage, motivation and self-confidence to leave the house, rather than just pushing them to leave the house. Teaching someone how to meditate so that their anxiety starts to melt away little by little. Showing someone some easy beginner yoga moves to release muscle tension and get the heart rate up. What about telling them that there’s this neat little trick called EFT (emotional freedom technique) tapping that they can do for 20minutes every morning in order to release negative emotions and intrusive thoughts? I have never had anyone advise me on how I can do anything to build a bridge in order to cross the water, all they do is skip to the standing on the other side of the water part.

7 Years In The Making

I have struggled with social anxiety disorder my whole life. This has been the catalyst in my current situation. My current situation being complex ptsd, agoraphobia, sleep anxiety which is causing severe insomnia and clinical depression. I have been through a series of bad situations and stressful traumatic events which I think I could have handled better had I not had social anxiety disorder. These all happened over the time frame of the last seven years. I will explain all of this in more detail so that you can understand what has lead me to be where I am today.

My mom was first diagnosed with COPD (emphysema) and about a year later (give or take a month or two) she was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Her COPD would have been very managable and she would very well have still been alive had she not been diagnosed with RA. She passed away in August 2013 because her lungs just stopped working. Most people get confused and tell me it’s from the COPD, however, it was not the case. Rheumatoid arthritis is an autoimmune disease that not only attacks the joints but the internal organs too. It causes widespread inflammation which can develop in other parts of the body such as the lungs. This caused her COPD to progress aggressively. She started to experience rapid weight loss, which could not be remedied with adding more protein to her diet or eating more carbs or sugars. She was in and out of hospitals with pneumonia. They kept having to put her on a drip because her blood pressure was dangerously low. I had eventually left the job that I had at the time to stay at home and take care of her. I had no help from any other family members or friends of the family. I knew that not working would cause a world of problems but I could not leave my mom to fend for herself being in the condition that she was in. My mom was getting a disability pension as she was unable to work so at least it was something. We had no car and it was difficult to find lifts to the hospital and back especially in an emergency, and in South Africa it’s not like in the UK where you can go stand across the road and take the bus. By this stage it started to take a toll on my mental health. I was so stressed and could barely handle all of this. Struggling and begging people for lifts. We were eventually kicked out because we were unable to keep up with our rent payments so we had to borrow a couch here and there and sleep in the car most of the time. Being homeless added to the stress I was already feeling. My poor mom. I got in contact with people who had known both of my parents when they were still married and they helped raise funds to pay for a deposit for a place to stay and for some groceries for the first month. I decided that I had to get another job in order to keep staying in the new place otherwise we would be out on the street again. I got an office job and was doing everything I could to get to work and back since I had no car or money for a taxi. So, basically I would either walk or hitch hike. On August 23rd 2013 I got a phonecall from the hospital asking me to please come to the hospital and that it was not good. I kept begging people on my facebook if someone could please give me a lift. No one even replied to my pleas for help. I got another phonecall to tell me she has passed away. I was unable to see her one last time. I was unable to say goodbye. I left my job because I couldn’t handle what I was going through at the time. I went back two months later because my rent was overdue by two months so I had to make some money, it was also to keep myself busy so that I could recover from all of this. I decided to get help and go see my doctor who referred me to a government hospital to see both a psychologist and psychiatrist. I went to see them once a month for the next three months and it was helping me alot. My psychologist was teaching me social skills and cognitive behavioural therapy. But, things at home were not so good. Because of those two months that I had missed work I was still behind on my rent and even more so now because some months I had to use some of my rent money to buy food and toiletries (my salary was only able to afford one or the other and not both). My landlord at the time started to threaten me and even tried his luck with me telling me to become his whore in order to pay my rent. All of this became unbearable for me and too stressful. Ofcourse, I said no, just incase you are wondering. He told me I had a few days to pack and move and with nowhere to go I was in a bind. On the last day that I had left a friends mum came to see me to see how she could help. She knew I had a british passport and asked me if I had the option to go to the UK to make a better life, would I do it. I said yes I wish I could. I was on a plane the very next day, bless her. She had organised me a place to stay with a friend of hers for the first couple months while I job search and sort myself out. I got a job at a local Subway withing two weeks which was great and I was very excited because I would be earning pounds and this is a fresh new start.

It went really great for a while, I had rented a room in someones house (it was the norm for starting out here), another South African lady. I had the house to my self every second week which was great. But then, my boss started making me work more hours with less breaks and I was slaving away on my feet for ten hours a day six days a week. I started going to the gym as a way to destress because I could feel I wanted to quit as it was all becoming too much. I was made to work opening shifts all six days, so was on my own in the mornings pretty much until my boss decided to show up which on most days was after ten (I started at 7). It was always very busy in the mornings and was quite stressful on my social anxiety. Asking for help didn’t work. Asking for less hours didn’t work. ASking for someone else to open the shop a couple days of the week didn’t work. Eventually it got to a stage where I had to work lunch shifts on my own, and before you say it couldn’t have been that bad, it was bad. Lunch time was our busiest time of day and I had to serve a line of people going out the door for more than an hour, sometimes longer. You can imagine how stressed I was by the end of the day, even after working out. After working there for two and a half years I hit burnout and couldn’t do it anymore. I was starting to lose it at the customers and I just quit. I know that it was a stupid thing to do because I should have stayed until I found another job but when you are in that kind of position and burnt out to the max, legs so sore, feet so sore, mentally and physically exhausted, so much so that you are crying every day then it’s time to quit in my books. Ofcourse, I did not think of the consequenses at the time because I had a little money saved and thought I would be okay for a while.

I ended up isolating myself and unable to find another job because I am so scared to go to interviews because I always hit a blank and never know what to say. I had to apply for universal credit and housing benefit. But, my landlady started spending more time at home because she and her boyfriend were having difficulties and she started getting annoyed with me being at home all the time and she started to lash out at me. Keep in mind that my rent was still being paid so it wasn’t like I was living there rent free or eating her food because I was still paying my own way. She started to do things like slamming doors really loudly and having two hour baths. If I needed the loo I had to wait. She stopped allowing her cat to visit me and got very possesive over him so if he was in my room she would get angry and would stand outside my door calling him for as long as it took for him to go to her. She became very nasty. By this stage I had already started feeling the depression grab a hold of me. I decided to sit down with her and tell her what I was feeling and what was going on with me so that maybe she could give me a break and stop being so nasty. I felt like it was a good thing but that just made things worse for me and she then started to tell me that everybody gets depressed sometimes and that I must just get on with things and get over it and that I am just making excuses to be lazy. I just thought what does it matter if I’m paying my rent and buying my own food and toiletries? But anyway, she eventually told me to move out because she couldn’t handle me not working and always being at home.

I was able to get a small studio flat with a housing association within the two weeks I had to move out (I was very lucky). When I moved my doctor had started me on antidepressants (citalopram) and I started to feel that I would be okay because I was in my own place and I would have the freedom to do what I wanted. The medication gave me such horrible side effects aside from the initial first two week side effects. I started to get really bad insomnia, and I mean severe. I could not sleep at might no matter how hard I tried of what I tried. And that meant that I would sleep during the day. I would also get night terrors and terrible vivid dreams. This only made my depression so much worse. I was unable to find a job because of this and it went on for months. I stopped taking my medication but guess what? I still have those side effects, they haven’t left me even after being off the medication for about three months now. My depression has got so severe that I have thought about suicide a few times. My social anxiety is no longer just social anxiety, its agoraphobia too.

I am still on universal credit and housing benefit but the money barely covers what I need and sometimes I have to use some of my rent money to make sure I can eat and not run out of toiletpaper which I have had to do a few times already. The depression has changed my personality, and i’m sure it has changed my brain chemistry so drastically that I forgot who I am. I no longer enjoy doing all of the things I used to. I can barely function as a human nevermind have a personality. My social anxiety causes me to feel like I have no sense of self, now add depression and agoraphobia to the mixture. Alot of people do not understand why I am not working currently and why I am struggling so much with my mental health. It has all just been one big snowball effect. Unfortunately here in the UK I cannot see a proper psychologist unless I pay for one. And the only help available to me with the NHS is an eight week CBT course which I have already done and my case closed. I have, however, made a promise to myself that I will do everything I can in order to recover from depression because my social anxiety is managable if there is no depression. I have also come out to my brother and sister as well as my dad and step mom about my depression and anxiety so I feel like I have love and support which is enough to keep me going and to have a reason to want to fight this and get better.

I have already started to do things that are making a slight difference in my mood such as yoga, meditation and EFT tapping. Thanks to these three things I am able to leave the house and go for a jog or a walk in the park. I have a very long way to go and I am very hopefull that recovery is possible and that I will eventually not have depression anymore.

NB: this blog post was written a few months ago and was posted to my previous blog(before my trip to Australia). I have been here for about 3 months now and will be returning to the UK next week. As mentioned in a previous post my depression has lifted somewhat and I am also sleeping a bit better which has helped a great deal. I am looking forward to starting a new life. As they say you are never too old.

How I Intend To Use The Law Of Attraction To Create The Life That I Want

Law of Attraction


A few years ago I heard a few people talk about a new book that had come out and everyone was fascinated by it. I wondered what was so special about this book so I started to look into it. Me being a complete nerd, had to find out what the fuss what all about. The book in question is called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I was struggling financially and knew I wanted to do something about it so took a long walk to the closest library. Luckily for me they had one copy of the book and it was available to take out. I walked home excited because everyone I had spoken to had told me that this book could change my life. What I learned from reading this book was that I could manifest anything into my life at will. This is known as the law of attraction. The law of attraction states that like attracts like. So, if you visualize positive things you will manifest positive things into your life, whereas, if you focus on the negative you will attract more of it. What a concept. I began to realise that I had used this method throughout my life and attracted certain things without even knowing that it was a universal law, and the strongest one at that. Over the last three years or so my manifesting skills were buried and gone forever. This is what depression does to you. When you are in that state of mind it is very difficult to focus on the positive and to visualize positive changes in your life. Have you ever noticed that when you are in a depressed state and you are staring directly into the abyss that you only attract negative situations, people and things into your life? Simply put, I was in a funk and I didn’t know how to get out of it.

How Did I Get Out Of That Funk?

I came to Australia for three months. What what? How is that possible? Let me just say that it is extremely hard to come out of a  depressive episode when you live in the UK because it can get pretty dark and gloomy for months and months at a time and you get seasonal effective disorder on top of your actual depression. My brother bought me a return ticket and we planned a sibling reunion (my sister joined us from South Africa). I knew my debts were piling up and that going away for three months would be running away from my problems and responsibilities, however, I had to do it for my mental well being. Australia is nice and hot this time of year so I would be getting plenty of fresh air and vitamin D. Being around family helps a whole bunch as well. I was starting to feel very very (did I say very) suicidal. Trust me it takes a motherfucking lot to get me to that point. So, I did it for my mental well being and to lift my depression enough to think with a rational mind. In the last three months I have been doing EFT Tapping in the mornings with the occasional visualization here and there and some mirror work to gain more confidence. I have also been going to the beach, swimming in the sea, socializing, listening to good music and generally having a good time. My depression has lifted enough for me to start thinking with a rational mind and I am finding it easier to visualize and work on my desires.

What Am I Going To Do Now?

So, how am I going to change things and turn my life around? Hard work and dedication of course. Is that it? No, there is more. I intend to use the law of attraction to raise my vibration and to manifest the life that I want even faster. Is this even possible? Yes, it is absolutely possible. I know this from past experience. I have manifested very specific things into my life and it usually happens withing weeks. Not years. Not months. Weeks. Believe me when I tell you that I was a skeptic too until it happened for me. I intend to continue to use EFT tapping every morning to keep myself focused and to keep my anxiety from rearing its ugly head round every corner. I have come up with a list of goals I would like to achieve by the end of the year and I intend to prove to myself that I can and will attain them. I have written down a law of attraction list with my goals on it and have made a vision board that I can look at every time I feel I am struggling to visualize. How do I make my vision boards? I made a tutorial video about it 👉👉👉👉HERE.

My Vision Board (1)This is just an example of one of my vision boards that I have created for myself. I will list the things on my vision board below:

  1. Weight loss and fitness.
  2. Camera for my social media videos.
  3. iMac.
  4. A relationship with my ideal partner (that’s a completely different set of vision board goals).
  5. My ideal house with garden.
  6. 25 thousand followers/likes on my Facebook page and blog.

How Am I Going To Use The Law Of Attraction To Achieve It

I find that the best technique that works for me is to visualize the things on my vision board for a few seconds numerous times throughout the day for a few weeks at a time. Usually, after a couple of weeks I start to see results no matter how big or small. It is not necessarily the actual thing itself but sometimes it will be a person, situation or job that will lead me to it. The trick is to remain consistent and to continue to stay focused on the results with as much positivity as possible even when some negativity seeps in. Lets face it, sometimes things happen, a person will be rude, you will drop something. I know how hard it is to remain in a positive space when something goes wrong. That’s usually when I give up and decide it’s not working. I will keep persisting and pushing on. I know I can do this!

Growing Up In South Africa


Growing Up In South Africa

As you may have guessed from the title I grew up in South Africa. I moved to the UK at the end of 2014 on my own to try and make a better life for myself and to get away from all the my demons of the past. I was also grieving the loss of my mother and felt totally isolated. One day I took my british passport out and told myself that I would get to the UK somehow and the rest is history. 
I was born in Rosettenville which is also known as Jo’burg South. We lived on a house on the corner of a street who’s name I can’t remember. We had a big park across the road from us, which was wonderful for us kids. We used to love playing outside, especially in the Summer time. In those days it was safe to do so. We also had one of those backyard plastic pools similar to the one in the picture below.
We had a maid who lived in the outside room and she took care of us kids when my parents weren’t at home. She was fantastic. As far as I remember she was also a Sangoma, which is another name for a witch doctor, healer/herbalist. I was never scared of her though. She would protect us with her life. But one thing that bothered me was that one the odd occasion she would cook sheeps head outside of her room. We could smell it walking home from school sometimes. That smell is enough to put anyone off. Not my favourite memory but moving on. 

I remember when we used to go and play in the park on weekends and holidays. There was a huge willow tree right in front of our house. My dad used to make swings for us out of the vines. This was  a very long time before iPhones and PlayStation. I was very much an outdoors kid growing up even after I had discovered Nintendo. I was about 8 or so when we moved to Port Shepstone. Port Shepstone is a town situated on the mouth of the Mzimkhulu River, the largest river on the KwaZulu-Natal South Coast of South Africa. The Mzimkulu River means ‘large place’ in isiXhosa and isiZulu. It is located halfway between Hibberdene and Margate and is located 120 km south of Durban. We lived in a huge house not far from the beach. We had a big front yard and an even bigger back yard. But, we had to be so careful in the summer because there were loads of snakes about. We found a green mamba in our back yard once. I loved this place. I made a best friend in school, despite me having an anxiety disorder. We were very close and we were always together. At the age of ten my dad got a better job so we moved to a town called Amanzimtoti. A lovely holiday destination South of Durban. We moved into a cute little three bedroom house with a granny flat, back yard, front yard, fantastic neighborhood.

There was a lot of bush and greenery, which was great for us kids. During the school holidays we would keep ourselves busy by exploring and hiking or as us Saffa’s like to call it, bundu bashing. We would pack lunches and water into backpacks and head out for the day. My parents knew we were safe if we were together. It was so much fun to do. At the end of the day we would get home starving and exhausted. I walked to school and back, infact, I walked everywhere. I started skateboarding and surfing later on at about the age of 13. Life was so good!

We would braai (bbq) on weekends. The weather was always warm, even the winters were nothing to write home about. My parents had loads of work friends they would invite over for braais. It was so much fun because we would swim and enjoy our time outside as much as we could. I don’t think I can remember any day that was sunny where we didn’t have a braai. My dad also built a bar in the house which was lovely for the adults. We did have rainy seasons and the odd few really cold days but overall it was usually quite summery and hot. My dad bought a beach buggy and we would go to the beach almost every weekend and ride up and down the sand dunes. The adults would sometimes do a bit of fishing on the side. In those days we were allowed to have beach bonfires and it was still quite safe. So, sometimes we would go in the late afternoon after a braai and start a bonfire on the beach and braai marshmallows. I guess it kinda feels like camping. Gosh do I miss all of that!


Ode To Anxiety

Sometimes you allow me a day to be calm and centred. Then there are days when you wave at me around every corner. But oh boy then there are the days where you stop me straight in my tracks.

You are not me but you are a part of me. I cannot imagine my life without you but I wish you weren’t there. You are the bane to my existence yet we are one.

I hate you. I love you. Please let me sleep tonight.

Reflecting On 2019



This year definitely tested me in more ways than one. I can honestly say that it has been one of the worst years of my life. My depression was at its absolute worst and I was heading down a very dark road. Spiraling into the abyss is the most awful feeling you can feel. Those who have experienced depression know exactly what I’m talking about. I was put on antidepressants that caused a circadian rhythm sleep disorder (in layman’s terms this is very bad insomnia that is difficult to fix) which kept getting worse even after discontinuing the medication. I kept losing myself piece by piece everyday until I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. I lost two really great friends. I lost a fantastic budding relationship. I lost everything. I lost faith in myself and did not think that change was possible. I felt defeated. I was KO’d by life. Never to get back up again. This was it. This was the end. Fortunately, coming to Australia and being around my family has given me a new found trust in the universe and I am starting to understand that anything is possible and I am starting to think more positively. I am excited about my future.


What Have I Learned This Year?

  1. Friendships don’t last forever and people don’t always grow with you. This in no way implies that these are bad people. As the saying goes, each to their own. Some people come into our lives at the exact time that we need them to be there. We learn some kind of lesson from them or the friendship itself and then they move on and so do we. What I learned this year is that it is okay for friendships to end in order for me to grow as a person.
  2. I am far too nice to other people. It has taken me a very long time to realise that one. I am someone that is very likable and approachable. I have no idea why that is to be honest. And I am very down to earth and open minded when it comes to other peoples views and how they see and experience life. Unfortunately, people do tend to take advantage of that fact because they see me as weak. Why? Because i’m and empath and I can’t say no. Obviously I do have my limits but I find it very hard to set boundaries and people use me as a doormat. I have decided that it is time to change that.


What Are My Goals For 2020?

  • I want to get back into shape. Yes, I understand that round is a shape and I am most certainly very very round. About three and a half to four years ago things were really good for me. I was working full time as well as overtime so had enough money to pay my bills and to save money to go on holidays. I decided to go back to the gym and get back to weight training. This was always something that made me feel alive and it also did wonders for my social anxiety. I was surrounded by like minded people and I was doing what I loved. I was obsessed with working out and sticking to a strict eating plan. I lost a bunch of weight and started toning up nicely. In fact, here are a few photos from that time:

I mean I have not changed as a person and I am most certainly not putting myself down because of my weight, however, I do not feel very healthy physically and want to get myself back to being confident and not depressed. So, I am going to do everything in my power to get back on track. I can’t afford to start of at the gym so will start by going for long walks, working out at home, doing yoga and eating healthy.

  • I want to achieve a higher following on my blog, YouTube channel and Facebook page. I have felt for a while now that my success will come at the right time and I feel like this is the year when all of that will happen. I have always wanted to work from home and have the freedom to come and go as I please. This sounds like everyone far fetched dream but in reality if it is what you want it is achievable. I tend to always give up on a project if I don’t see results in the beginning but I understand now that it takes time to build and online presence. There are thousands of people that make money blogging and I am going to stick to a schedule and maintain my blog no matter what the stats are. Positive thoughts always bring positive results.
  • I want to get out more and make more friends. This is not as easy as it sounds, especially in the UK. Being someone with two anxiety disorder doesn’t really help either. I read somewhere that your vibe attracts your tribe. So, I do believe that I can meet friends that I have alot in common with and who are on the same level as me. I just have to keep working on my self esteem and positivity and things will fall into place.


  • I want to pay off all of my debt. This sounds like a monstrous task. Why? Because I am struggling financially and when you have depression you allow your debt to climb to crazy proportions because you don’t care anymore. I have been so low that I really did not give a rats butt what happened. Life was standing still and my thinking was nowhere near rational. I had two failed business ideas that flopped miserably and I couldn’t stand the idea of working for a boss again so I failed myself and put myself in a lot of debt. I am going to make it a priority to sort that out as fast as I can so that I can start living a better existence.
  • I am going to continue to recover from depression. I am doing really well at the moment. It has been to months since I came to Australia and I have a month left until I return to the UK. I am so grateful to have had this opportunity because it has taught me a lot and I have even started sleeping at night. And trust me, that is an enormous achievement. I have been doing a lot of visualization and EFT Tapping (I will go into more detail about this in another post) which helps with my anxiety and keeps my moods level. I am actually starting to think rationally and to see a future for myself rather than just a black void.


“Thank you to every single one of my blog followers, to everyone reading my posts and a special thanks to my dear friend Claire (I know you’re reading this) for making me see that people other than myself believe in me and my abilities” – Sincerely, Janine from Nina’s Corner!

10 Things I Learned Having Depression

I was one of those people that thought I would never experience depression and I never understood it. I was one of those  people that said that there is always a better way to deal with things and that people are just being lazy and need to get on with things. I was one of those people that never understood suicide and why people would do that to their loved ones. I thought it would never happen to me. Well, it did. It all became very clear to me and I understand every single tiny thing about depression that I never thought even possible before I had it. I swallowed all the stupid words that came out of my mouth when I thought I knew all the answers. I am now one of those people that has and has been struggling with depression. I am now one of those people saying they wish other people understood mental health issues and would be more open to learning more about it rather than making assumptions. I have become a lot more empathetic towards others and becoming a mental health advocate is the best thing I have ever done because my tough times are a stepping stone to helping others to recover and I am so happy that I get to do that!


1. There Is No Quick Fix

Unfortunately there are some people on the other side (when I say this I mean people who have no idea what it’s like to have depression) who assume that depression can be cured by utilizing some kind of quick fix. This is very far from the truth. There is no quick fix for depression and in most cases you cannot completely cure depression but learn coping skills and use certain treatments to make you feel better. There are some cases where it can go away completely and this is usually when depression is a symptom of circumstance, for example, severe and prolonged financial difficulties and/or prolonged periods of stress resulting in complex ptsd. There is a very long road to recovery with depression and it takes a long time to heal.

2. Recovery Is Not Linear

Recovery seems pretty straight forward, right? Wrong. It is an exhausting and very long and windy road. There will be potholes, bumps, cracks and even mountains along the way. There will be ups and downs and sometimes you will take a few steps back. The important thing to remember is that this is okay. It is perfectly normal to go through all of this on the road to recovery. No one ever recovers on a clear and straight path and if they say they do I refuse to believe it. There are a lot of things to work through because sometimes we need to get to the root of the problem in order to deal with the symptom. 

3. Setbacks Are Inevitable

One thing that I have noticed is that people are really hard on themselves when they have setbacks or when they relapse. We are not perfect human beings. Not one person on this planet can say that they have had an absolutely perfect life because they would have at some point run into some kind of issues or hard times. When someone is recovering from depression there will sometimes be setbacks and that is absolutely okay. Anyone not suffering from depression that knows someone that is should be patient and understanding because it is very hard to stay on the right track. I can tell you this from my own experience. It is NOT easy at all. Depression will always find a way to suck you back in. And it does. And we get back up and keep going. Often there will be a lot of setbacks and we can go right back to sleeping all day every day. Just remember that everyone is trying the best that they possibly can.

4. People Will Change Towards You

This is not a very comforting thing to know or to put out there but it is true. You will have people that will stick by you and you will have people that will leave you. You will most certainly know who really cares about you when you are going through a very bad bout of depression because those who don’t won’t bother to be supportive in the ways that matter. They will give generic responses like “hang in there” or “this too shall pass” as if that ever solved anything. The ones that care about you will keep checking on you. They will keep asking if there is anything they can do for you. They will give you space when you ask for it. They will be there when you need them to be. Some people don’t want to hear about your depression because they feel it affects them negatively. So be it. Let them go about their lives because it is better to not have that kind of person in your life. It will get lonely at some point. I had a very close friend that ended our friendship because she couldn’t handle me not wanting to talk on the phone all the time even knowing I have social anxiety disorder. Me being the person I am offered to compromise and asked her if she would sometimes text and then I would be okay with sometimes talking on the phone. Needless to say she was too selfish to be supportive and to accept that. So, I ended up having no friends and I am okay with that.

5. It’s Okay To Say No

When you are recovering from depression people can put a lot of pressure on you. Why? Because they think it will help you to leave your house or to do this or that. Honestly, other people don’t always know what is best for us. We do. And we do these things when we feel ready to do them, not when we are forced to. It just makes us feel uncomfortable which makes it worse. You do not owe anything to anyone and you do not have to answer to anyone but yourself. You are allowed to say no to things you do not want to do or to events you do not want to go to. People are more than welcome to have their opinions about it. Your mental well being is more important than someone elses ego.

6. Medication Isn’t For Everyone

I will never tell anyone to stop taking medication nor will I ever tell anyone that they should not start taking medication. I want to make that very clear right from the start. Medication helps a lot of people with their depression and that is great. But for some people medication is not the answer and it can sometimes make your symptoms worse or even cause a lot of other damage when it should be making you better. I do feel that everyone has a right to choose how they recover and should not be told what they should or should not be doing in order to get better. Medication has never worked for me and has only caused more harm than good. I find that for myself there are alternative therapies that help me and I am happy to stick with that. 

7. Your Perception Of Time Becomes Distorted

When you have depression you view time differently to everyone else. You can go through days and wonder where the time went. Months go by and you wonder how. Years go by and you can’t understand what you have been doing all this time. You can wake up and not know what month it is or which day of the week it is and honestly most of the time you don’t care. It can also feel like time is moving too slowly. It all just becomes one big blur. I actually tried to explain that to someone once that they couldn’t understand it. Surely time moves the same for everyone? ERm no…

8. Sleep Plays A Major Role In Depression

Sleep is very important in the recovery process. I was put on antidepressants that caused a severe sleep disorder. I thought going off the meds would make things go back to normal. I was wrong. The effects were long lasting and I was still struggling with a sleep disorder eight months after stopping the medication. When my sleeping patterns went tits up my depression flared up like it was nobodies business. The worse my insomnia got the worse my depression got and the worse my depression got the worse my insomnia got. It is a never ending cycle. I’m currently taking strong antihistamines at night to help me to sleep. Believe it or not it is the only thing that seems to work for me. I can now sleep at night and have a normal day. Believe me when I tell you that as long as you are not sleeping properly your depression will not get any better.

9. Things Can Change

When you are ready for a change then it can and will happen. When we have depression we can’t see a future for ourselves and it is very hard to even imagine any other kind of life because this is all we know now. The possibility is there and as long as there is hope then anything is possible. I have heard loads of people with depression tell me that there is no way things will change for them. It is so sad to hear someone say this. And I of all people do know how hard it is to continue to have a positive mindset. But, things can change. Believe me they can.

10. I Am Worth More Than I Think

I have realized that I am worth a lot more than I thought was. Depression gives you a very warped sense of reality and your mind plays tricks on you. Your self worth goes out the window because you think that if you have depression there must be a reason and you assume that reason is because you are not worth it. The thing is there comes a time when you know for certain that you are worth it because if you weren’t then you would not exist in the first place. Regardless of what other peoples opinions of you are, you know your own self worth. You do not need a lot of friends or a huge following on social media to prove that to yourself.



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