It’s About To Get Real

So, I was going through my Instagram a couple of days ago and I came across a few pictures I took during my fitness days. There is about a three-year difference between then and now. It doesn’t seem like a very long time but a lot has happened since then. And those of you who have been following my blog and other social media know that I went through a really bad bout of depression and I couldn’t even get out of bed to take a shower. I have come a long way since then. I am most certainly doing a whole lot better but I am nowhere near where I should be. One thing that has always worked for me is fitness. Every time I have made a commitment to fitness my life seemed to change for the better. My mental health gets to a point where it is stable and I am able to function normally. My social anxiety is the most problematic of all and when I am focussing on fitness this seems to stabilize to a point where I can actually feel semi-normal around other people and I can actually start and maintain friendships and relationships. Now, when I was looking at these photos I remembered how I felt during this time. It had nothing to do with being skinny or wanting to look good to impress anyone else. It was about me. I felt absolutely fantastic. I was able to think clearly. My sleeping patterns were normal. I would always wake up feeling fresh and ready to start the day. I was full of energy. I was going out quite a lot rather than just wanting to stay at home all the time. I was socializing and going out on dates. I was confident, yes I still had anxiety and felt a bit self-conscious but it was good enough to feel like I was worth being around. I felt healthy body, mind and spirit. How I feel about myself right now is about enough to get me to motivate myself to get back to how I felt then. A year ago I just couldn’t even see any kind of future and that is what depression does to you. Nothing matters. Every time I make a commitment to fitness and go down a path of self-discovery and my self-confidence grows and keeps growing. People often ask me how things changed and why things ended up the way that they did. Well, things happened as they do, and I was severely depressed and didn’t care anymore. There was no point in me trying and even though I had not given up, emotionally I had. I am not someone who will accept when people tell me that medication is the only answer because even though a lot of people do need medication and cannot live without them, it is not always the answer to everyone’s problems and mental health recovery. People get upset when you tell them walking works. You’re right, going for a five-minute walk isn’t going to help, of course not. However, if you make an effort and walk for about two to three hours at least five days a week you are definitely going to make some kind of progress. For me, walking, jogging and weight training is the only thing that does work for me every time and I will never take medication again because it made everything ten times worse than it was and I will never apologize for doing what works for me. I’m done with saying that I will do it tomorrow or that I will start next week. Today is as good a day as anyone else. It can only get better from here. Il post the photos I was talking about below so that you can see what I am talking about.

Published by Gemini

Welcome to my life! I am just an ordinary girl in the world. I am here to express myself as best I can so that the world has a better understanding of me. My name is Janine. I grew up with social anxiety disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I have overcome obstacles so high they should have been impossible. I am still here. I am still recovering. I am still learning.

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